I was quite happy with the unexpected off that I got today. Slept till late, had a great breakfast and then ventured out for lunch. That was good as well, and I returned to my room. Tugged myself warmly in the bed, switched on the music and picked up Potter. Today is a good day, or so I thought.
As I entered the bed, i felt a little quack.. Well, I just sprained my back. I thought never mind that, I have a whole day to rest. A few pages later, it came suddenly. The warning, I mean. The vision started to melt in front of my eyes. I knew this feeling. I knew what was going to happen next. I could see everything as a whole, but nothing in particular. It was as if everything would just decide to blur out the moment I decide to look at it. It wasn't a good sign. I knew it too well. I knew how the rest of my day was going to be now. Well, if you don't know what am talking about, it is my bete noir, Migraine.
I remember the first time I blacked out, I thought I might have rubbed my eyes too hard. Followed immediately with a sickening headache, I saw no connection. Then in a few months, when it returned I panicked. Vision blurring out wasn't a good sign at all. Wary, I confided in my sis, who told me it was a 'simple' case of migraine. Still I went to see a doctor, who asked me to get a MRI done. Alone, in the morning I reach the hospital and enter the wing where the test had to be carried out. A family was present there. A mid-age man was to go through it before me. His wife and children all were cheering him up. N here I was, all alone. But, my case was not worrisome at all, I told myself. Thankfully, it was indeed the case. The doctor termed it as a classical case of a rare form of migraine. He tried to make me feel better by saying that it wasn't a disease at all, but a disorder. What it implied, I found much later. It merely meant that it can't be cured, it needs to be 'managed'. Whatever it meant.
Since then, there have been numerous such migraine 'attacks'. When the vision starts to melt, it just makes me shiver with anticipation. I gulp down my medicine and then wait to see what happens next. Will it come or not? If the headache does come, how bad will it be? Will it surpass the worst I have gone through? Or will it be just a minor one? I just start hoping that whatsoever it is, the vision get back to normal. And then the abstract feeling of a lost vision starts to crystallize in one side of the head. One side starts to feel as if something is getting fried inside the skull. That something is trying to burst out. I feel like cracking open my skull and taking it out!! Gradually, as I get a grip on what am seeing, the intensity of the pain starts to climb up. I close my eyes, and start praying. No God, pls no! Let it be over soon. I grab another disprin and wait to see if it works, and well, and how fast.
They come and just drain everything out of you. It feels, you are not gonna make it through without banging your head against the wall. But after a few of them, you know its going to be alright eventually. I believe thats what managing a migraine means. Knowing that the throbbing feeling you have in your brain, will die eventually. That you just need to be patient. That the skull-cracking, piercing pain is not eternal. That you'll soon be able to move your head without the pain almost killing you at the slightest of a movement.
You might think, that why am I writing all this. trying to gain some sympathy maybe? I frankly don't have a clue. But, alone in a hotel room, away from everyone, lying crippled in the bed for 4-5hrs, I didn't know what else to do.
Well, returning to the thought I started with, I think having no warning is better. It merely brings the misery to the doorstep even before it is supposed to come. And as suddenly I had thought to start writing it, I am suddenly clueless as to what to write more. And yep, am feeling much better now. Just a small lingering 'manageable' feeling in the head, which I know will not go away till tomorrow morning :)
